Ben Vélez, LMFT · Relational Therapist

Therapy for getting
through this thing
called life.

Humanistic, mindful psychotherapy for relationships of all types — anchored in the most vital bond: that with self.

“It’s the dark horse we give legs to
no one else can ride.
In the wake of strange beginnings,
we can still stand high.”

Emma Ruth Rundle · Dark Horse

The Therapy Process

Turning toward yourself is an act of strength.

"I saw you at the perfect place,
it's gonna happen soon, but not today.
So go to sleep, and make the change.
I'll meet you here tomorrow. Independence day."

Elliott Smith · Independence Day

Many people enter therapy simply seeking relief and change without a clear understanding of what the process is. The decision often comes at a crisis or low point, and can feel like a defeat of sorts. In truth, turning toward yourself and seeking something better is an act of great strength and love — and the first major step toward the healing you seek.

I do not practice therapy as a stodgy, diagnosing clinician, but as a collaborator in your growth. People often arrive wanting to know what the “normal” baseline is that they should get themselves to. I ask that we abandon comparisons to others and instead understand what your personal narrative and needs are: validating the how-and-why of who you are, then creating the space to define and evolve into your best vision for your life. Great therapy is not advice-giving — it compassionately supports you in learning to listen to, express, and empower your own truths.

Whatever brings you here, our work will use these transitions and crises as opportunities to deepen the insight and life skills you need to navigate them — so that you not only meet the presenting symptoms and stories, but lead a healthier, more balanced life for having engaged them.

The compassionate, boundaried relationship with your therapist also provides a direct framework for building healthier relationships everywhere in your life — sometimes simply by modeling something vital we have lacked until now. And the compassion we find for ourselves extends outward to the greater world. In that regard, engaging in the therapeutic process can ultimately be a quiet practice of social justice.

Individual Counseling

The way is through, not around.

“Ring the bells that still can ring,
forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything —
that’s how the light gets in.”

Leonard Cohen · Anthem

I’m here to go through it with you. Together we take apart what you’ve lived by default and build real ways of carrying it with intention.

Every story I encounter is unique, so my methodology is expressly sensitive to the personal and historical narratives you bring, and is oriented toward uncovering the way forward that best suits your individuality. I work from a curiously-compassionate, humanistic stance that blends classic psychodynamic work with mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral strategies, helping you forge new ways of thinking, behaving, and experiencing your life.

I specialize in working with adults in an open, collaborative environment that is sensitive to all of the varieties along the cultural, gender, and spiritual/belief spectrums.

RelationshipsAnxietyDepressionTraumaAngerSelf-EsteemFamily of OriginLife TransitionsGriefSpiritual ConcernsNeurodivergenceNon-MonogamyChronic IllnessIdentity

Relationships & Family Therapy

Relationships are an active practice.

“An open heart is both the lock and key.”

Zara McFarlane · Open Heart

My licensure in relational therapy supports a journey in which we collectively learn to understand your entire relationship system — not just the biased singular perspectives within it. I am in the service of your relationship and family, and seek the healthiest outcome for the system as a whole.

Lasting relationships are not found — they are practiced. Beyond every honeymoon phase, love asks us to keep choosing to show up for one another, and the skills of cultivating a solid, fulfilling relationship culture are ones we are, most often, never taught.

I help partners with communication problems, conflict resolution, healing from physical, emotional, and online infidelities, addiction and codependency, and sexual issues. Together we examine your familial and relational histories and build the skills of presence and attunement, uncovering problematic communication cycles, reflective listening, de-escalation, the cultivation of trust, intimacy, validation and empathy — and the skill of consciously choosing one another.

Our work may also include direct, shame-free conversation about desire, intimacy, and the patterns that strain trust and connection.

I honor the fluid gamut of relationship styles — from strict monogamy to the many permutations of ethical polyamory.

Anger Management

I seek not to rid you of your anger.

“Anger is loaded with information and energy.”

Audre Lorde · The Uses of Anger

Like all of our “shadow” emotions, anger is a normal, powerful, and wise reaction. The work is to understand it and mindfully manage it better. Through a different, aware quality of attention to your inner processes, you can leave rageful, knee-jerk responses behind and make healthier choices about how you respond to the inevitable stresses and traumas of life and relationships.

This work includes learning what happens in your body when you become angry; the skills and techniques necessary to gain control of it; how to change the situations and relationships that may provoke it; setting boundaries; and communicating your anger in more effective ways.

We will also explore the hurt, fear, and sadness that so often form anger’s original foundation. Ultimately, you’ll learn to take responsibility for your anger and to talk about it — rather than expressing yourself through it to damaging, shame-inducing outcomes.

Mindfulness

Presence is the common thread of all healing.

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

Haruki Murakami · What I Talk About When I Talk About Running

Whatever brings you to therapy, one of the few commonalities that serves all healing is developing greater compassionate presence. Mindfulness practices play a crucial role in becoming aware of your own internal patterns, and are research-proven adjuncts in healing anxiety, depression, and anger-driven suffering. They are of equal importance in becoming more skillful and conscientious in romantic and familial relationships.

While we cannot change many of the external circumstances and pains of this life, we can learn more masterful ways to respond to them through mindful awareness. Developing this consciousness also provides the self-empowerment needed to make new, conscious choices that break old, undesirable habits and patterns.

Whether you see me for relational work, anger, depression, or anxiety, mindfulness will often play a part in your healing — and it remains a skill you can continue to develop and call upon in challenging times far beyond our work together.

Ben Vélez in his Brooklyn session room, beneath a portrait of his father

About Ben

I am much like you.

If your mind works differently than the world was built for; if you live with a chronic illness the world cannot see; if your spiritual life draws from traditions outside the western mainstream; if you are navigating an open or polyamorous relationship; if you have never found a therapist who could hold all of what you are at once — you are who I built this practice for.

I came to this profession through my own healing process, begun as a teenager. My desire to seek better started through New York City’s famed punk rock scene of the 1980s, when dissatisfaction with the ills of the world led me through social justice activism into deeper pursuits of self-healing. I explored a great many spiritual and psychological philosophies and modalities to address my own experiences with anxiety, anger, depression, and a traumatic past — an eclectic life full of apprenticeships and mentoring by esteemed luminaries in academic, shamanic, and mindfulness communities alike.

I am a firm believer in a mind-body-spirit approach to psychological health, incorporating my own multi-disciplinary spiritual practice with my graduate training in relational therapy into a holistic-minded perspective.

As a multi-racial person raised in an LGBTQ family setting, I honor and welcome all into the therapy process, and always seek to create an understanding space that is respectful and safe across the full spectrums of racial, cultural, sexual, and spiritual diversity.

Senior Level Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist with over a decade in private practice
MS in Psychology, Mercy College · Dual BA, Comparative Religious Studies & Africana Studies, Vassar College
Decades of spiritual practice; extensive experience in esoteric and indigenous healing modalities

Fees, Insurance & Logistics

The work deserves full presence, yours and mine.

My practice is fully telehealth. I meet with individuals, couples / relationships, and families via secure, HIPAA-compliant video. Sessions are 45 minutes, by appointment only, and the process always begins with a free phone consultation, where my fee is discussed openly. If for any reason we are not suited to work together, I am glad to provide professional referrals to help you find the best fit.

Free Consultation

We begin with a phone call in which I learn about you and what you are seeking help with — no cost, no obligation.

Fees

Individual sessions are $275 · Relational sessions (couples, families, and all partnership structures) are $350. A small number of reduced-fee slots exist; if full, I am glad to refer you well.

Out-of-Network

As with most marriage and family therapists, I do not participate in insurance panels, but happily provide itemized bills for out-of-network reimbursement. Ask your provider about your out-of-network mental health benefit and deductible.

Clinical Supervision

For fellow clinicians.

I am also available for clinical supervision and consultation for practicing therapists. Feel free to contact me directly to discuss working together in this capacity.

Contact

Get in touch.

Tell me about what brings you here and we’ll set up a free consultation call.

347 · 509 · 7720 ben@benvelez.com

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